Phew! Am I glad the election is over and the political calls have ended. George Bush called me so many times I was beginning to fear for the state of the country—all that time he spent on the phone soliciting my vote. Of course, he could have had me in “speed dial.”

            But now the holiday season begins in earnest. I got a call the other day from the Alliance Linking Pets and Others. ALPO for short. They were soliciting donations to buy sweaters for homeless animals.

            “How do you know the animals are homeless and not just out slumming?” I asked.

            “You’re kidding, right?”

            “Dead serious,” I replied.

            “Well, of course there is a selection process, and we—”

            “What kind of selection process? I mean, do you follow them to find out if they have homes?”

            “Well, no, but –listen, if the animal looks malnourished…”

            “So if a dog looks skinny, you’ll give him a sweater?”

            “Well, that is one of the factors for—”

            “And how do you know the dogs won’t take the sweaters to the nearest pawn shop and get drug money for them?”

            “Now you’re making fun of me.”

            “Actually, I started doing that at the beginning of this call.”

            “Dogs don’t do drugs.”

            He had me there. I changed tack.

            “How much?”

            “What?”

            “How much do you want?”

            He was quiet for a moment…I suspected he was reading his prompter card. Then he cleared his throat. “Fifty dollars will keep five dogs warm this winter.”

            “Ten dollars a sweater? That’s robbery. I can knit you one for half that.”

            “Well, I only make the calls and I—”

            “I mean, those ten dollar sweaters are probably knit in some sweat shop in India. They’re probably paying some poor ten year old fifty cents a month to work twelve hours a day so you can have your precious dog sweaters.”

            “They do that?”

            “Yeah,” I said. “I saw it on ‘60 Minutes.’ Hey! I belong to a charity that deals with that cause.”

            “To stop sweat shops?”

            “No. To stop news programs from covering depressing subjects like child labor. Not the kind of thing you want to hear at the holidays, see?”

            “Well, I—”

            “Tell you what. I’ll donate fifty dollars to your charity and you donate fifty to mine, okay? That way it evens out and we both get the tax breaks.”     

            There was another silence. Then the line went dead.

            What are these people thinking?  They must figure we’re all two snorts short of a nasal drip.

            I got another call some time back for a charity that fulfills the wishes of ill children. When I asked him to send me some literature before I made my decision, the solicitor balked. I did some digging online and found out that the charity is legitimate, but there are lawsuits pending against it in several states and it has the lowest rating possible for the percent of each dollar that actually goes to service.

            Another charity regularly calls me in spite of the fact that I only gave them money once. They wanted me to give so they can buy bullet-proof vests for police officers. I told him my son-in-law was an officer and had to buy his own vest. Another year they wanted money to put on drug programs in high schools. I told them my daughter worked with an organization that provides informational programs to the schools. Most of the money comes from government grants.

            They keep calling. They want me to make a pledge. Can they put me down for $35? $50?

            No, I tell them. Mail me some information.

            They say they can’t mail me anything unless I make a pledge. The cost of postal delivery, you know.

            I hang up.

            That’s our secret weapon—hanging up.  

            This time of year mice and spiders try to get inside and so do the scammers. There are ways to fight both kinds of pests.

1)      Don’t let scammers pressure you. Tell them you need time to consider their requests. Ask for their information—including a local (state) contact.  Remember that anyone can say anything over the phone or on the Internet. That doesn’t make it true. Follow up with research. Google the charity name and READ about it. Call the BBB and ask what they know.

2)      NEVER NEVER NEVER give out personal information over the phone or to websites of which you are not absolutely certain. Not bank info, not credit card info, not even the name of your maiden aunt. 

3)      Never give cash—make sure there is a paper trail of your money.

4)      Be careful of charities with names similar to well known reputable charities.  

5)      REPUTABLE CHARITIES SELDOM SOLICIT ON THE PHONE OR ONLINE. They use TV ads and newspaper articles, even mail solicitations.

6)      Be selective in your giving. Many organizations sell their mailing lists. The more small donations you make, the more your name is out there. And remember if you give a small donation to get rid of a solicitor, you will be on their “hit list” for years to come.

            You know where your heart is. Select the charities that touch you and investigate them. Be picky. It’s your money—not theirs.

THERE ARE MANY WEB SITES WHICH MONITOR CHARITIES. IF YOU DON'T GET ANSWERS FORM GOOGLE, TRY  CHARITYWATCH.ORG