EMO? ISN’T THAT A LARGE OSTRICH-LIKE BIRD FROM AUSTRALIA?
by Caryl Harvey
I got a call from my daughter the other
day. It seems my granddaughter is in to Emo. Now, being a Beyonder, I immediately conjured up the image of that tweaky little
comedian from the 60s and 70s—Emo Phillips, the one with the black pageboy haircut and the Salvation Army suit complete
with bow tie? Not even close.
Who knew there was an entire culture based
on Emo. Though no one seems to know where the name came from, it is often mentioned in connection with the term
“ emotionally charged.” Emo kids frequently feign sadness—listen to mournful punk rock, and are adept
at showing emotions ( drama queens.)
Emo boys dress in tight jeans ( sometimes
girls’ styles) and too-small t-shirts, often with band logos on them. They wear hooded sweatshirts and Converse All
Star shoes. They don’t let their socks show—arguably their ankles could be their best features.
But girls love Emo guys. They point out
that Emo guys have sexy eyes—a point the Emo’s try to exaggerate as they wear black or red eyeliner.
Emo boys cry at a hat drop. They like girls.
Sometimes they like boys. Often, they like both.
But you can’t make a snap decision
about an Emo’s sexuality by seeing two Emo boys walking hand-in-hand. They just like the company.
The trademark of Emo, though, seems to
be the larger-than-life tragic character. Public Display of Emotion is their motto. Emo kids cut themselves—though one
is quoted as saying they don’t cut as much any more because “it involves too much blood-letting, and you can get
the same effect by scratching yourself.”
My daughter says Emo isn’t all that
bad. In fact, she told my granddaughter, she wishes her lawn were Emo. Then it would cut itself.
But, as for the rest of us Beyonders who would just as soon think of Emo as the odd little funny man, here are a few classic
Emo lines, courtesy of the Wikiquote website.
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!"
Houses make strange noises at night like creak, groan and "Emo, I'm going to kill you." ...So
I remembered what my mother told me, "Whenever you feel afraid just whistle a happy tune... [whistling] ...then I felt a hand
around my throat and a voice said, "Thanks. I thought I'd never find you in the dark."
I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
I ran three miles today... finally I said, "lady, take your purse."
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy in jail, and the other guy said,
"'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't
be able to get into the corners very well.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five
dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
And my personal favorite? Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.