Beyonder Court

TRADITION AND THE BEYONDER
Home
Should Children Gather at the Deathbed? What to Do For Kids When the Family is Grieving
A Word on thne Tragedy in Connecticut
Discipline For Small Children
Children are dogs, Teenagers are Cats.
Developmental Milestones
BACK TO REASON
ARCHIVED ARTICLES
A KIDS WORLD--LINGO, TRENDS, CULTURE
BEYONDER INSPIRATIONS
CARING FOR THE CAREGIVER
TRAVELING WITH KIDS---TO BEYOND AND BACK!
Practical tips on living with kids
AT HOME WITH THE BEYONDER QUEEN
meal ideas
games and trivia
sign the guest book, TAKE THE POLL
ALPHABETICAL LIST OF COMMON PSYCHOLOGICAL DISTURBANCES

TRADITION CAN BE THE CAPSTONE THAT GIVES STABILITY TO YOUR CHILD'S LIFE

TRADITION...and the Beyonder

by Caryl Harvey

 

One of my favorite movies of all time is “Fiddler on the Roof.” I love it when Tevye booms out “Tradition….tradition. Tradition…trad—it—ion !”

 

Traditions are important.

After our son, Chad, was murdered, we started a tradition of lighting a candle on holidays. We lit it as soon as we woke and blowing it out was the last chore of the evening. It represented our son being with us, and the soft candlelight seemed to soften the edges of our wound.

But we had to modify the tradition when…the first Thanksgiving we did it…we put the candle into a wreath and it started on fire while we ate dinner.

 

Another of our family traditions is to revisit the Thanksgiving of the Great Turkey Fire.

I had tried to roast the turkey in a too-small pan in my new self-cleaning oven. ( Did you know those things get hot…really hot?) The drippings caught on fire and the smoke billowed. I tried turning off the oven, but flamed still licked at the interior. WE’D JUST BOUGHT THAT NEW STOVE, DOGGONE IT!

Anyway, I called 911. The siren went off to let the volunteer fire department know they needed to interrupt their holiday preparations to come to my rescue. My heart raced. My husband heard the siren from the third hole of our local golf course. My daughter heard the call on her scanner.

That’s when the fire went out. Whoosh!

I called 911 again to cancel the fire department, but one police officer ( my future son-in-law) showed up with lights strobing. My oldest daughter showed up in her pajamas. My husband showed up in a laughing fit.

So now, I get a few gentle prods from firemen in town, and we have a yearly re-telling. It’s tradition.

 

And one holiday, another of my grown daughters tripped on the way into the house, slinging macaroni salad across the carpet. So every holiday dinner, someone has to bring “tossed macaroni salad.”

 

Throughout most of the year. My active family has to eat on a staggered schedule. I have a plastic tablecloth on my table to protect it, and we go for practical, not aesthetic. But on holidays, we have a table set with a centerpiece and a fabric table cloth. Even though we can’t all eat at the table (there are usually 30 or more of us) we have at least one table set up that way. Why?

Well, the first Thanksgiving our adopted daughter spent with us, she actually cried because there was a tablecloth on the table. She was so excited to actually have something that said “special” to her.  So it’s a tradition we religiously observe.

 

That’s what tradition is about: celebrating family history.

 

That’s why so many of our foster kids don’t understand it. The homes from which they come are so chaotic there is no chance to build traditions. And it is important to give them a chance to experience that. Even if only for a day.

 

Let them light a candle for the ones they are missing. ( Mom and Dad may be irresponsible, but they are still Mom and Dad)

Let them join the family in searching for a Christmas tree.

In drawing names for a present ( if they leave before the holiday, you can supply the missing present for your family member, and make sure the child’s present gets to him)

In decorating the tree. (So what if they toss tinsel onto the branches in a glob?) Maybe they can have their own little tree…the dollar stores usually have small trees and tiny ornaments for sale CHEAP

In baking cookies

In cleaning the house for guests

In wrapping presents

In making dinner.

AND TAKE PICTURES. FOR PETE’S SAKE.  DON’T FORGET THE PICTURES!

 

 

Some other suggestions for tradition?

 

What about giving the child an inexpensive nativity set or an advent wreath that he can take home when he leaves?

 

What about a candle ceremony for the family he is missing while he is with you?

 

What about letting the child wish on the turkey wishbone?

 

What about letting him draw something he is thankful for at Thanksgiving and then laminating it for use as a placemat?  He can take that home when he leaves as well, and it may well start a tradition for his birth---or next foster family.

 

What about a book of Christmas stories or even a book about self-worth (we recommend Max Lucado’s “You Are Special”) you can read aloud supper or after the holiday dinner and then give to the child to take with him?

 

 

AND, PLEASE DON’T FORGET TO TAKE PICTURES…AND GIVE SOME TO THE CHILD. MAKE AN ALBUM, PERHAPS.

 

We had a young man as a foster child for over a year. When he went home, he missed us and his parents asked if we could arrange visitation back to us. We did. Now the whole family comes at Christmas, and sometimes at Thanksgiving and the 4th of July.  They love our traditions, and they have brought us some of theirs.

 

Tradition grounds us. It gives us good times to look back on.

 

And when you’re a Beyonder, tradition brings back a lot of things we don’t want to lose…memories of people and times that are gone, except in memory.

 

Anyway, I’m going to close now. I think there’s a re-run of “Fiddler on the Roof”

on TV. Or maybe “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I have some laundry to do, but watching those movies is tradition. And tradition is important. Right?

 

*******